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BREAKING: BENGALS EXTEND MARVIN LEWIS' CONTRACT DUE TO DEFLATEGATE

By Bruce J. Mitchell



In the wake of the infamous DeflateGate/Ballghazi scandal, reports have emerged that letting a little air out of a football is actually a common practice for many NFL teams. One team that apparently does not bend the rules, however, is the Cincinnati Bengals. Bengals owner Mike Brown released a statement Wednesday that he is extending head coach Marvin Lewis' contract for another eight years, because he knows Lewis would never partake in such unethical activity.

"When I heard the reports that the Patriots deflated balls before the game, I was absolutely disgusted," Brown said. "It's pretty obvious it leads back to Belichick. And how many other coaches out there are doing this? Our coach, Marvin Lewis, would never even think to engage in such activity, and that's why I'm extending his contract today for an additional eight years. At least I think he's never done anything like that. I don't really give a crap either way, but keeping me around saves me the trouble of having to go out there and find someone who commands a higher salary."

For his part, Lewis was adamant that he has never tampered with balls before a game. "That sort of thing just disgraceful," he said. "Teams these days are too focused on winning, and that's not what we're about. People complain all the time about our lack of post-season success, but to be honest, I'm not sure how we got their four years in a row. Maybe the AFC North is just that bad."

When asked whether he thought playing with a deflated football might help improve his numbers, Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton expressed doubt. "I don't see what advantage letting air out of the ball would give me," he said. "Other quarterbacks, sure. But me? Nah, I'm pretty much hopeless."